Queue Up the End of DVDs

 

Yesterday I got an email that will change my life forever—or at least change my movie-viewing life forever. The email, ominously titled “Our Final Season,” revealed that on September 29, 2023, Netflix DVD will ship its final red envelope. When I read this horrifying bit of information, I let out an audible gasp. Had there been anyone around at that moment to hear my gasp, they would surely have asked “What’s wrong?” and I would have told them. But there was no one around at that moment to ask, so now I’m telling you instead.

First off, I’m not a complete idiot. I recognize that DVDs are an outdated technology and it’s highly likely that at this point the Netflix DVD subscriber database consists of me and about 14 other dinosaurs who just can’t let go of the 1990s. I get that keeping a multi-million-dollar enterprise open for 15 nerds isn’t a sustainable business model. So, I’m not outraged, just sad.

I should also mention that I do stream movies all the time, not only on Netflix but on Prime and Hulu, as well. In fact, I watch streaming movies way more than DVDs. So why am I so sad, you ask? I will sum up my sadness with one word—SELECTION.

Yes, streaming is horribly convenient, and there are certainly thousands of titles to choose from, but almost all of those titles have come out in the past two decades. Sure, there are a handful of flicks available from earlier than that, but most of those are either very popular flicks that I’ve already seen or, frankly, they’re hot garbage. For a movie geek like me who wants to see films like Going My Way (1944) or Vampyr (1932), waiting around for them to be available via a streaming service could take a very, very, VERY long time. Yet I was able to get both titles on DVD through Netflix without any problem.

So now I’m faced with an interesting dilemma. I am on the two-disc per month plan, which means that between now and when Netflix DVDs are gone forever, I will be able to rent 10 discs. How do I possibly choose the 10 movies I will see? These may be the 10 most important decisions I make this year.

There are currently 38 movies in my DVD queue, which means that 28 of them will have to be thrown by the wayside. There are a handful of movies in my queue that I’ve already seen and wanted to see again, but given the gravity of this situation, rewatching a movie would be downright irresponsible. No, all the movies need to be ones I’ve never laid eyes on.

There are some movies that have literally been sitting in my queue for years. I often reorder my queue, moving things to the top that I suddenly have an interest in seeing, so some flicks keep on getting jumped over by others. Maybe now is the time to see something like Romance & Cigarettes, an indie musical from 2005 directed by John Turturro, one of my all-time favorite actors. It has been in my queue for more than ten years, so up to the top you go!

One by one I will have to make these crucial decisions, choosing each film I rent with the utmost care. How many horror flicks should I choose? How many Best Picture nominees? How many silent films? And once I watch my last ten rentals by the end of September, the other 28 films in my queue and the thousands more that I never got to will be lost to me forever. I, and my 14 brethren sitting in front of their DVD players, will all shed a tear on September 29^th as the credits roll on the end of an era. I’ll be sure to wipe my eyes with a red envelope.