Can you figure out what’s happening to me in the above
photo? Look closely. No, closer than that. Closer. Okay, not that close, you’ll
bang your nose against the monitor.
Perhaps you think I’m inside a dimly lit tent in the middle of a dense forest during a rainstorm; or maybe you think I shrunk down to Ant-Man size and am caught between hair follicles on a dog in a bathtub; or maybe you think I’m about to meet my demise at the hands of a new Lovecraftian creature on an episode of Stranger Things. While these are all fascinating possibilities, and I commend you for your creativity, the truth is far more terrifying.
The reality is I took this picture from inside my Hyundai Elantra while going through a carwash. Startling, but true.
Now I understand that going through a carwash while seated inside your vehicle is perfectly safe and your chances of getting killed are not all that high, but the darkness and the loudness and the objects furiously beating down on the glass just inches from my face, always sets my heart a-pounding. But I’m not saying I don’t like it—quite the contrary, in the same way I like to jump out of my seat during a good horror movie, I enjoy the claustrophobic suspense provided by a good automobile sudsing. That’s right, some people seek out roller coasters for a cheap thrill ride, but for me, nothing is better than a trip to the car wash.
For all you skeptics out there who have been through carwashes many times and didn’t find them particularly thrilling, I say you are doing it wrong. Next time you need your car washed, do what I do—lean your seat back as far as it will go, loosen your shirt, take off your shoes, get out your bag of popcorn, and then stare wide-eyed while you enjoy the gripping 120-second ride of your life. Then quickly drive back around and see if the ticket-taker will let you go again!
Yes, if you do a carwash the right way, it’s a breathtaking, hair-raising, blood-tingling experience. I’m not sure how you could have much more fun…unless you went through on a motorcycle. Time to get my “Class M” license!
Perhaps you think I’m inside a dimly lit tent in the middle of a dense forest during a rainstorm; or maybe you think I shrunk down to Ant-Man size and am caught between hair follicles on a dog in a bathtub; or maybe you think I’m about to meet my demise at the hands of a new Lovecraftian creature on an episode of Stranger Things. While these are all fascinating possibilities, and I commend you for your creativity, the truth is far more terrifying.
The reality is I took this picture from inside my Hyundai Elantra while going through a carwash. Startling, but true.
Now I understand that going through a carwash while seated inside your vehicle is perfectly safe and your chances of getting killed are not all that high, but the darkness and the loudness and the objects furiously beating down on the glass just inches from my face, always sets my heart a-pounding. But I’m not saying I don’t like it—quite the contrary, in the same way I like to jump out of my seat during a good horror movie, I enjoy the claustrophobic suspense provided by a good automobile sudsing. That’s right, some people seek out roller coasters for a cheap thrill ride, but for me, nothing is better than a trip to the car wash.
For all you skeptics out there who have been through carwashes many times and didn’t find them particularly thrilling, I say you are doing it wrong. Next time you need your car washed, do what I do—lean your seat back as far as it will go, loosen your shirt, take off your shoes, get out your bag of popcorn, and then stare wide-eyed while you enjoy the gripping 120-second ride of your life. Then quickly drive back around and see if the ticket-taker will let you go again!
Yes, if you do a carwash the right way, it’s a breathtaking, hair-raising, blood-tingling experience. I’m not sure how you could have much more fun…unless you went through on a motorcycle. Time to get my “Class M” license!
